Weight Loss
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Busy Day
I had 2 cups of sliced peaches this morning for breakfast which is 120 calories. I did not sleep very well last night, I kept waking up and I just could not sleep through the night. I feel like my cold has pretty much gone away like i'm at 90% now. When I woke up this morning I did 100 sit-ups and I plan on running a mile outside today. I have a busy day today. I have to work and then go to babysit a kitty for my brother and his wife. I am getting anxious with my trip fast approaching. I cannot wait to go down to Southern Illinois to visit my fiance.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Ana Creed
Thin is beauty; therefore I must be thin, and remain thin, If I wish to be loved. Food is my ultimate enemy. I may look, and I may smell, but I may not touch!
I must think about food every second of every minute of every hour of every day and ways to avoid eating it.
I must weigh myself, first thing, every morning, and keep that number in mind throughout the remainder of that day. Should that number be greater than it was the day before, I must fast that entire day.
I shall not be tempted by the enemy (food), and I shall not give into temptation should it arise. Should I be in such a weakened state and I should cave, I will feel guilty and punish myself accordingly, for I have failed her.
I will be thin, at all costs. It is the most important thing; nothing else matters.
I will devote myself to Ana. She will be with me where ever I go, keeping me in line. No one else matters; she is the only one who cares about me and who understands me. I will honor Her and make Her proud. To the end of my life!
I must think about food every second of every minute of every hour of every day and ways to avoid eating it.
I must weigh myself, first thing, every morning, and keep that number in mind throughout the remainder of that day. Should that number be greater than it was the day before, I must fast that entire day.
I shall not be tempted by the enemy (food), and I shall not give into temptation should it arise. Should I be in such a weakened state and I should cave, I will feel guilty and punish myself accordingly, for I have failed her.
I will be thin, at all costs. It is the most important thing; nothing else matters.
I will devote myself to Ana. She will be with me where ever I go, keeping me in line. No one else matters; she is the only one who cares about me and who understands me. I will honor Her and make Her proud. To the end of my life!
Ana Beliefs
-I believe in Control, the only force mighty enough to bring order to the chaos that is my world.
-I believe that I am the most vile, worthless and useless person ever to have existed on this planet, and that I am totally unworthy of anyone's time and attention.
-I believe that other people who tell me differently must be idiots. If they could see how I really am, then they would hate me almost as much as I do.
-I believe in perfection and strive to attain it.
-I believe in salvation through trying just a bit harder than I did yesterday.
-I believe in calorie counters as the inspired word of god, and memorise them accordingly.
-I believe in bathroom scales as an indicator of my daily successes and failures.
-I believe in hell, because I sometimes think that I'm living in it.
-I believe in a wholly black and white world, the losing of weight, recrimination for sins, the abnegation of the body and a life ever fasting.
-I believe that I am the most vile, worthless and useless person ever to have existed on this planet, and that I am totally unworthy of anyone's time and attention.
-I believe that other people who tell me differently must be idiots. If they could see how I really am, then they would hate me almost as much as I do.
-I believe in perfection and strive to attain it.
-I believe in salvation through trying just a bit harder than I did yesterday.
-I believe in calorie counters as the inspired word of god, and memorise them accordingly.
-I believe in bathroom scales as an indicator of my daily successes and failures.
-I believe in hell, because I sometimes think that I'm living in it.
-I believe in a wholly black and white world, the losing of weight, recrimination for sins, the abnegation of the body and a life ever fasting.
7 Deadly Sins
Gluttony eating or drinking to excess - go ana, you just kicked Gluttony's arse.
Sloth Laiziness, only fat people eat and don't exercise
Lust Strong sexual desire... well we have a strong desire for food? teach youself to hate food, no more desire, no more lust.
Greed Fat people are greedy. Once you overcome temptation, you can do anything.
Envy If you are ana you don't have you envy those beautiful thin people, because you will be beautiful too.
Pride Eating competitions. EW. people take pride in stuffing their fat gobs with as much fat pumped food as possible. Don't be proud of eating.
Anger After a binge, what do you think? Guilt and Anger, you hate yourself for it. Don't eat = Don't be angry with yourself.
Sloth Laiziness, only fat people eat and don't exercise
Lust Strong sexual desire... well we have a strong desire for food? teach youself to hate food, no more desire, no more lust.
Greed Fat people are greedy. Once you overcome temptation, you can do anything.
Envy If you are ana you don't have you envy those beautiful thin people, because you will be beautiful too.
Pride Eating competitions. EW. people take pride in stuffing their fat gobs with as much fat pumped food as possible. Don't be proud of eating.
Anger After a binge, what do you think? Guilt and Anger, you hate yourself for it. Don't eat = Don't be angry with yourself.
Ana Commandments
1. If you aren't thin you aren't attractive.
2. Being thin is more important than being healthy.
3. You must buy clothes, cut your hair, take laxatives, starve yourself, do anything to make yourself look thinner.
4. Thou shall not eat without feeling guilty.
5. Thou shall not eat fattening food without punishing oneself afterwards.
6. Thou shall count calories and restrict intake accordingly.
7. What the scale says is the most important thing.
8. Losing weight is good/ gaining weight is bad.
9. You can never be too thin.
10. Being thin and not eating are signs of true will power and success.
2. Being thin is more important than being healthy.
3. You must buy clothes, cut your hair, take laxatives, starve yourself, do anything to make yourself look thinner.
4. Thou shall not eat without feeling guilty.
5. Thou shall not eat fattening food without punishing oneself afterwards.
6. Thou shall count calories and restrict intake accordingly.
7. What the scale says is the most important thing.
8. Losing weight is good/ gaining weight is bad.
9. You can never be too thin.
10. Being thin and not eating are signs of true will power and success.
Thin Laws
1.) Never admit you are skinny enough
2.) Binges should only occur at a maximum of once every six weeks and must be kept private, if you expect perfection. Purging and excessive exercise MUST follow… otherwise, thou art a failure.
3.) Never let your stomach growl. You can control it.
4.) 10 glasses of water a day, 10 sticks of gum, 10 diet sodas, and 10 cups of black coffee must be consumed on a regular basis for your perfect body’s essential needs.
5.) Wrist bones are infatuation. Ribs are sexy. Collar bones are beautiful. Hip bones are love. Back bones are submission, but the two bones that connect ankle to your foot, those are perfection.
6.) Flat stomachs are banned. concaved stomachs are the only kind acceptable.
7.) You shall fast at least 5-7 days from every month…. and exercise 7 days a week, at least 2 hours each time.
8.) You shall weigh yourself at least three times a day and hate yourself no matter what the number it is.
9.) Never give up on what you want most. Ana loves you only if you're thin.
10.) Recovery is a sin… but sins are forgiven. Remember obesity is a crime and crimes are on your permanent record FOREVER
2.) Binges should only occur at a maximum of once every six weeks and must be kept private, if you expect perfection. Purging and excessive exercise MUST follow… otherwise, thou art a failure.
3.) Never let your stomach growl. You can control it.
4.) 10 glasses of water a day, 10 sticks of gum, 10 diet sodas, and 10 cups of black coffee must be consumed on a regular basis for your perfect body’s essential needs.
5.) Wrist bones are infatuation. Ribs are sexy. Collar bones are beautiful. Hip bones are love. Back bones are submission, but the two bones that connect ankle to your foot, those are perfection.
6.) Flat stomachs are banned. concaved stomachs are the only kind acceptable.
7.) You shall fast at least 5-7 days from every month…. and exercise 7 days a week, at least 2 hours each time.
8.) You shall weigh yourself at least three times a day and hate yourself no matter what the number it is.
9.) Never give up on what you want most. Ana loves you only if you're thin.
10.) Recovery is a sin… but sins are forgiven. Remember obesity is a crime and crimes are on your permanent record FOREVER
Valentine's Day
I hate Valentine's Day this year, my fiance lives 5hrs away from me so I did not even get to see him and cuddle with him. I also do not like Valentine's Day because of all the extra calories that are handed out. Chocolate is the worst culprit on Valentine's Day with all the boxes of chocolate that are sold and given to people. Today I only consumed 20 grapes and I ran 2 miles outside in the freezing cold. That was not one of my most brilliant ideas because it was freezing outside today when I went for my run. I was able to pack up most of my car to go down to visit my fiance. I almost passed out going down the stairs because I was carrying a box that was full of books and was really heavy and I decided to hold my breath so I got really dizzy and almost passed out. My cold is getting a little bit better but I am still not 100%, I wish I was. My total calorie intake for the day was 68 calories. I feel good today like I can face anything with Ana by my side.
2468
On day 2 of the 2468 diet.
This day is 400 calories:
I had a Krispy Kreme Donut for breakfast which is 200 Calories
I had 20 grapes for dinner which is 68 calories.
On day 3 of the 2468 diet.
This day is 600 calories:
I had 20 grapes for breakfast which is 68 calories
I had 7 carrots for a snack which is 35 calories.
I had a green apple and 20 grapes for lunch which is 163 calories.
I had 7 more carrots for a snack which is 35 calories.
For dinner I had 7 carrots, a green apple, and 20 grapes which is 198 calories.
On day 4 of the 2468 diet.
This day is 800 calories:
I had 20 grapes and a green apple for breakfast which is 163 calories.
I had a green apple for a snack which is 95 calories.
I had 7 carrots, 20 grapes, and a green apple for lunch which is 198 calories.
I had 7 carrots for a snack which is 35 calories.
For dinner I had 20 grapes and 7 carrots which equals 103 calories.
On day 5 of the 2468 diet.
This day I fasted:
All I had was water which is 0 calories.
Sorry I did not post for awhile I got so caught up in everything going on in preparation for my wedding day. I did keep track of what I consumed in my notebook though. I still have an awful cold but I feel like I am starting to get over it. I am at 160lbs now and I feel like I have a bit more energy then I used to. I will post later tonight about what my next goals are.
This day is 400 calories:
I had a Krispy Kreme Donut for breakfast which is 200 Calories
I had 20 grapes for dinner which is 68 calories.
On day 3 of the 2468 diet.
This day is 600 calories:
I had 20 grapes for breakfast which is 68 calories
I had 7 carrots for a snack which is 35 calories.
I had a green apple and 20 grapes for lunch which is 163 calories.
I had 7 more carrots for a snack which is 35 calories.
For dinner I had 7 carrots, a green apple, and 20 grapes which is 198 calories.
On day 4 of the 2468 diet.
This day is 800 calories:
I had 20 grapes and a green apple for breakfast which is 163 calories.
I had a green apple for a snack which is 95 calories.
I had 7 carrots, 20 grapes, and a green apple for lunch which is 198 calories.
I had 7 carrots for a snack which is 35 calories.
For dinner I had 20 grapes and 7 carrots which equals 103 calories.
On day 5 of the 2468 diet.
This day I fasted:
All I had was water which is 0 calories.
Sorry I did not post for awhile I got so caught up in everything going on in preparation for my wedding day. I did keep track of what I consumed in my notebook though. I still have an awful cold but I feel like I am starting to get over it. I am at 160lbs now and I feel like I have a bit more energy then I used to. I will post later tonight about what my next goals are.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Day 2
I will be doing the 2-4-6-8 Diet for the next five days.
Today is Day 1 which is 200 calories:
I had 20 grapes for breakfast which is 68 calories
I had a green apple for lunch which is 95 calories
Then for dinner I had 7 carrots which is 35 calories
This has a grand total of 198 calories which is 2 calories below the mark
I had several glasses of water but they equal 0 calories and I am sick so I need to stay hydrated in order to stay out of the hospital. I feel pretty good today. I feel energized and happy.
Today was very hectic. I got a phone call from my boss wanting me to come in at 7am because the boys I take care of were extremely sick and they needed me to come in early. I came in and the house reeked of puke, that was interesting. Then I got off work and rushed over to get my niece to drive to the train station to pick up my Aunt and Uncle. On the way to the train station my niece woke up from a dead sleep and projectile vomited in my car. I could not stop to clean it up so I had to drive the rest of the way to the train station with vomit covering my backseat. I got to the train station and realized I had nothing to clean it up with so I had to use her blanket and napkins. Lets just say today was not one of my best days.
Today is Day 1 which is 200 calories:
I had 20 grapes for breakfast which is 68 calories
I had a green apple for lunch which is 95 calories
Then for dinner I had 7 carrots which is 35 calories
This has a grand total of 198 calories which is 2 calories below the mark
I had several glasses of water but they equal 0 calories and I am sick so I need to stay hydrated in order to stay out of the hospital. I feel pretty good today. I feel energized and happy.
Today was very hectic. I got a phone call from my boss wanting me to come in at 7am because the boys I take care of were extremely sick and they needed me to come in early. I came in and the house reeked of puke, that was interesting. Then I got off work and rushed over to get my niece to drive to the train station to pick up my Aunt and Uncle. On the way to the train station my niece woke up from a dead sleep and projectile vomited in my car. I could not stop to clean it up so I had to drive the rest of the way to the train station with vomit covering my backseat. I got to the train station and realized I had nothing to clean it up with so I had to use her blanket and napkins. Lets just say today was not one of my best days.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Day One
I have been struggling all day trying to get back to the way I was. I know I have an ED and it makes me who I am and it makes me happy. It makes me feel like I can control something in my life. This is really not a thing to me but more of a friend and her name is Ana. We have had our fights but in the end we always find our way back to each other. I started back on this journey because I realized the waste of space I was becoming yet again. I went through treatment and now I am finally completely free to do what I want again. I do not want to be a waste of space I want to be full and happy again. I can only be happy with Ana by my side. I made my Holy Bible, my thinspo today. My thinspo has always been workout routines, because the women in the pictures look how I want to be. I am a fat waste of space. This needs to change, Ana is back and our friendship is stronger then before. This is my story, I do not need any negative comments so go elsewhere if you want to post any.
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